Key Discovery in Human Relationships: Man-ipulation

I’ve been working on getting the female to respond to simple commands. For the time being, I’ve had to give up on the male. These humans can be rather dense, but I feel like I’m making exciting progress. Some of my best discoveries have been stumbled upon by accident.

For instance today, the female and I were walking in perpendicular paths when we collided, and I was kicked in the face. It didn’t hurt too much, but I let out a reflexive “meoooowwwww.” Her expression immediately contorted into the simian sad face she makes when she is pouting. This time, all of her sympathies were oozing out in my direction instead of being guided by their usual centripetal forces. She was all apologies which makes no difference to me, but her following actions did peak my interest.

Over she went to my food bowl and placed a light snack of the most delectable treats. Her sad face was pacified as she saw me eat them. I’ve been having a difficult time grasping this whole human concept of “guilt” as it seemed so worthless before, but now I see a way to use it to my advantage. 

Perhaps next time, to avoid the kick in the face, I could throw out a decoy for her to step on and then jump out and play the role of the victim in order to get more treats. How brilliant! I wonder if the humans fully understand the exploitative possibilities of this “guilt.”  A cat could never be manipulated so easily.

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