Archive for January, 2010

The Weight Issue

So I’ve put on a few pounds, people! There is no need to be constantly pointing this out. Every visitor who enters the loft is full of the obvious observations. Yes, Yes, I’m fat. What can I say, I’m a stress-eater.

The female’s family stopped by on the weekend. They took notice of my wide girth, which is just ridiculous. All of them weigh more than me. Sure I’m just a cat, but nobody likes to be reminded of their weight issues.

Even without this recent reminder, I have been thinking lately that losing a few pounds might help boost my diminished energy levels.

So I’ve decided I’ll give yoga a try. I’ve been checking out some books on yoga positions that the female brought back for me from the library. I’m pretty good at the “corpse pose” but have physical, as well as moral qualms, when it comes to the “downward dog pose.”

Who is The Man?

Evidently, my humans are being sorely inconvenienced by the man. I thought, at first, they were talking about the “man” but no. We are dealing with “the man.” This is not a tangible man. According to my extensive research (Wikipedia): “The Man” is a slang phrase that refers to the government leaders of large corporations, and other authority figures in general, rather than a specific person.

I wonder, is there a cat equivalent to the man? Can I blame all my qualms with feline society on “the cat”? I don’t think we have an all purpose scapegoat for what is wrong.

At first, I thought it was a good thing to be the man. But my roommates have shown that this is not at all the case. To rebel against the man, a person must do things they enjoy. Which brings me to a popular human trait: finding deeper justifications for doing what mainly benefits oneself.

I’ve gathered that rebelling against the man involves a few important steps:

  • 1. Rock and Roll (possibly the reason my humans constantly form fake rock bands)
  • 2. Not “selling out” (which is easily done when nobody is interested in “buying out” the individual in question)
  • 3. Excessive consumption of alcohol and/or drugs. (an aid to steps 1 and 4)
  • 4. Make unfeasible plans to take down the man
  • 5. Work for the man as a way getting the “in” while all along planning to take down the man from the inside (until years later, when the comfortable position acquired makes one slowly forget this step)

If anyone can enlighten me more on the man, please do so. I’m quite intrigued by the whole idea.

Caution: Cat Toy?

Something relatively bizarre did happen today. As I stepped onto the living room rug for my afternoon sun bath, I caught sight of a suspicious package. It was wrapped in a shiny paper printed with a man shape in a ridiculous spider costume. I started to tear at the ribbon incasing this spidery man-covered box.

An hour later, a strange tube was revealed. I would assume it is a toy but the size is too small for comfort. I thought I could exchange it, but the giver left no gift receipt. As it is, I’m stuck with this Chinese Cat Trap. There is a thoughtful sunroof in the middle of the tube which is sprinkled with an alluring California catnip.

Why must such wonderfully harmful things always be so tempting!

Happy New Year.

I must have slept through the entire New Year’s fiasco. I woke up and the year had changed on me. Usually the humans do some kind of countdown, or at least announce that they accidentally missed the countdown. I don’t even think they were around when this arbitrary party excuse was happening. Thankfully, I missed any excitement that might have taken place. I suppose that doesn’t make for a very interesting blog, but this calm cat is just fine with that.