Archive for April, 2010

A Box for All Occasions

The humans have been making a lot of online purchases lately. If I know my reader well, you’re probably thinking that I’m going to go on a tirade about wasteful human consumerism and/or an increase in laziness while wastefully consuming. If that is what you are thinking, dear reader, you couldn’t be more mistaken. With every new online purchase comes a NEW BOX! Not all of these boxes are perfect of course, but the excitement of trying out a new box is all I ask for.

I have several boxes now to go with my varying moods. There is the shallow number that suits me perfectly in the afternoons with the sun warming up the sides. Then, there are deeper, more snug boxes, when one wants to be fully ensconced in the cardboard blanket of boxness. I have a couple variations of these boxes, some more aged and “lived in” than others.

The male has been threatening to throw them out, but if I know my humans well, their procrastination and laziness will always keep a few spare boxes around.

Filling out US Census 2010: A Feline Review

My fellow Americans, your government is counting on you to fill out your US Census Bureau forms! How exciting it is to be a part of this! At least, that was my attitude when the survey first arrived many weeks ago. The female set it on the coffee table where it remained until yesterday. Both the male and female remained somewhere between forgetting and not realizing the existence of this form.

When a second letter arrived, I couldn’t take this human procrastination any longer! I decided to fill it out for them. To my surprise, it only cares about people!

1. How many PEOPLE live in my household?

Never before have I felt so dismissed by my country. They didn’t once ask about how many cats live in the household. Is this a giant oversight or purposeful feline discrimination? However, I continued the survey with my usual perseverance. I found that with a few quick changes, I could alter the census to fit my standards. By simply marking out Person 1 and writing over it Cat 1, problem solved.

2. Were there any additional people staying in the household not included in question 1?

Heavens no! I firmly stick to the 1:2 rule. Not more than 2 people per cat.

3. Rented.

4. What is your telephone #?

I don’t care for phone calls myself, but I did enter in the female’s phone # in case there were any questions about the survey.

5. Name? Jeeves G. Fuzzenstein.

6. Sex? Female

7. Age?

My birthday is a bit of a mystery, as I am an orphan and don’t recall my own birth. I would estimate between 5 and 6 years of age. I do have an observed birthday of October 12 which I made up when I established my facebook profile.

8. Hispanic? Not to my knowledge.

9. Race?

I crossed out Person 1’s race and wrote in Cat 1’s color. I’m glad that I could check more than 1 box, as I am both black AND white.

10. Does person one sometimes live or stay somewhere else?

I can safely say no to that question. I like to think of myself as an intellectual traveler. I have no need to stay anywhere outside of my loft.

At this point, I turned the page of this lengthy survey, where I was given the opportunity to fill out sections for the male and female. I’ve always called them roommates in the past, but I think now I might start referring to them as “other nonrelatives.” That describes our relationship perfectly! I quickly filled out the other questions so I could reach the more in-depth part of the survey.

But flipping through the pages, I learned that this was the end of the survey! Don’t they care about my habits and beliefs?! How dull! I feel like I’ve just been ASL’d via snail mail by some curt stranger who has no intention of replying. Overall the US Census 2010 was quite a disappointment.