Archive for June, 2010

The Feline Perspective on the iPad

Sometimes I must turn away for a moment. It's just so beautiful.

Well, I finally did it. The inevitable event has a occurred. Today I purchased my first iPad.

I’d like to present you with a completely fair and unbiased review of my new purchase, but I can’t. I’m happy to admit my limitations in this matter. Unlike most humans, I’d hate to delude myself into thinking I can be clear-minded when I am simply moonstruck my the sweet glow of my new Apple product.

It’s imbued with a fulgent technological beauty. When you touch it, it’s like being pulled into a great masterpiece of art, fully emersed within the depth of the frame, being swept away by the brushstrokes. The display is simplicity at it’s finest, perfectly in tune to the flowing feng shui underbelly of the universe.

A photoshop depiction of the iPad experience.

I am an Apple addict, or applee, as we cats call them. Apple can do no wrong and I do believe that if Apple openly stated their plans to take over the world, I would offer the full and unconditional support of my army of ninja cats without hesitation.

PROS:

  • cat friendly operating system, simple & convenient
  • an easy to use keyboard with no fur-sticking troubles
  • a screen that appears to be impervious to scratches
  • research apps to appease my random curiosities (googling curiosities is far safer than learning on the streets)
  • a plethora of great apps from nutrition to music (cat piano!)

Ninja cat army in training.

I’m not the first cat fan and I certainly won’t be the last. With over 3 million iPads sold and approximately 1 billion cats in the world, that means more feline applees wanting than having an iPad of their own. I’m thinking of starting up a One iPad per Every Thousand Cats charity group. (I’d do 1 ipad per cat, but let’s be realistic.)

In conclusion, the iPad is perfect for cats of all ages, and I think the humans will like it too.

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Human Adventure Meets the Feline Routine

The wave bed produces great peace of mind.

When taking on my professional writing gig at Mispeled, I was given some expert advice from our dear site administrator who is obviously well-acquainted with my blogging style and felt the need to share some of his opinions as to the quality and execution of my topics.

I was informed that I should write “good stuff,” not “boring stuff.” This so-called “boring stuff” dealt mostly with my daily routine and deviations from this routine, usually caused by my bipedal roommates. The humans are a fickle and unpredictable species, and often reek utter chaos over my daily habits. The site admin specifically told me not to write about the human’s vacations and how I spent my days during this time, as that was just dull filler.

Experiencing the c-nip tunnel of delight.

Well, I hate to burst the soppy delusions of any primate brains reading this, but our lives mostly are filler and to tell yourself otherwise can only be categorized as a special kind of denial. The human tenacity for denial is an incredible thing.

Anyway, If there is one thing I loathe, it’s a writer who ignores all criticism and advice from the outside world. So taking the site administrator’s advice into consideration, I wisely move forward with my new post: Human Vacations and My Daily Routine.

From my experience with humans, they are constantly dreaming about far off adventures to exotic countries or talking about getting away on a camping trip surrounded by nature. I find both of these schemes to be highly overrated. The idea of nature is all well and good, but it’s a bit too idealized for my realistic feline tastes. Nature is dirty and uncooperative and often covered with too many bugs, both of the flying and crawling kind. Now don’t mistake me here, because I do love the spontaneous apartment bug hunt, but in nature there are just too many bugs to really have an impact on the surroundings. When trying to catch a fly outdoors, you’ll be harassed by 10 of it’s buddies in the process and the fly will eventually be lost in the excessive expanse of nature before you can even get your paws on it. It’s insanity!

Lame human vacation postcard picture.

Plus, traveling in general, is a hassle. I watch the humans stress on the preparation of a trip, only to come back days later completely exhausted and smelling funny. So what is the point of this?

I’m pretty sure humans don’t need to remove themselves from a physical location in order to mentally check out. I see them doing it all the time. I won’t even get into how many pounds of premium tuna can be purchased with the amount needed to buy a plane ticket. (37)

Now let’s take a look at my daily routine. Even on a fairly habitual day, there are great nuances within the familiar that makes things new and exciting. Where are these variances found, you ask? In the freshness of my beverage, the occasional hairball, a glorious sunbath at the height of the day, an unprovoked attack on a sleeping human, the leftovers sitting on the table, and even a new box!

Yes, my names is Jeeves G. Fuzzenstein and I am a tourist in my 1000 feet of living space.

A new box!

Lethargic Saturday

I’m starting to get a little daunted by this new blogging gig at Mispeled. Like the humans, I spend a lot of my internet time expecting someone will actually read and care about what I’ve wrote. I may not be as look-at-me as the average human given an internet connection, but even cats aren’t free from narcissism. Feline narcissism is far less noxious than that of the average human, but it is still present in small amounts. Now that I’m being looked at on this new blog, nothing is more tempting than to nibble through all the internet and computer cords and burrow my head under the couch. What an odd feeling this is. Do I cave in under the pressure of heightened expectations? Is this common in humans too? It would explain why the female spends a small period of time hiding under the covers after receiving positive feedback.

I’m hoping to bounce back soon. I’ve spent the majority of the day laying in my wave bed. The wave bed is usually great for generating ideas because of it’s ergonomic design. But the male keeps moving me and my bed around the apartment and covering me with dishtowels.

This is not conducive to my equanimity.

 

Sold to the highest bidder: Mispeled

I have been asked to join forces on a collective blog of creative people and after much reflection… I have accepted.

You may be fearing that with all my time spent between sleeping and posting on this other blog, I will have no time to update this site. Don’t panic though, dear readers. I will continue to keep my Cat: A Log updated, but mostly with leftover scrapes from the other site, of course. As you can see with this first scrape, my FAQ posted as an introduction on Mispeled.net.

I thought I’d make a FAQ just to clarify a few things and introduce myself to those of you who have not heard the mildy-famous name of Jeeves G. Fuzzenstein.

1. Why would a clever and attractive cat want to waste time in the cyber company of humans?

As an anthropologist, the study of humans has become a passionate pursuit of mine periodically. As an insider, I will have a more comprehensive understanding of human interactions and interspecies-cyberelations.

2. Will this hurt your well established credibility as a writer?

It’s about being true to oneself. Possibly at first, there will be a fair share of skeptics and naysayers. But I think, in time, they will see my feline standards have not slipped in the company of humans. I did have some hesitations at first due to the name, Mispeled, which is obviously misspelled. This may not mean much to humans, but a credible cat has to be cautious not to fall into the stereotype of a grammatically erroneous and misspelling moron. In the end, I chalked it up to the human love of irony and decided the impact on myself would be nil.

3. What kind of contributions can we expect from a cat?

Only the keenest of word groupings will slip from my typing paws. You can expect well-rounded and researched articles on interspecies relations, litter reviews, culinary tidbits, the occasional epiphany, gardening tips, self defense, self offense, art reviews, and wherever else my lofty ambitions and possible follow-through take me.

Questions? Comments?