On Humans and Privacy

So it looks like the humans’ Facebook campaign to quit Facebook has failed miserably, and although people are complaining in record numbers about privacy violations through Facebook, Twitter, foursquare, etc., actions against these social media tools are negligible. The humans are getting themselves in a blogging tizzy about protecting their need for privacy, but most arguments I’ve read in favor of privacy appear to be sensationalized nonsense. Please note that this need for privacy is a human phenomenon only. I have yet to hear one cat ask me to quit Facebook for the sake of privacy.

Joining Facebook is a voluntary action, just as posting status updates and declaring interests via facebook are completely voluntary. Agreeing to be in a local magazine is also voluntary, and while the female will agree to do it and then decide she doesn’t want to be the “crazy cat lady,” I will not back down from my decision for shameless self-promotion (even if they picture makes me look fat).

If you really hate Facebook and everything it stands for, by all means quit. If you just hate that all of your Facebook friends can see that you love Hannah Montana, you don’t actually need to add that to your Facebook profile. You can delete it. You can have the starkest page in the world with a picture of your favorite plant in place of you to represent your minimalist ways.

The problem isn’t that people are concerned with their privacy, but that they are concerned with looking concerned about caring about their privacy. Cats may ham it up with the rest of humans, but we don’t feel the need for such modest affectations. It’s like the crazy fat lady on Jerry Springer throwing a chair and declaring herself a “no drama” sort of girl. You love the drama, crazy fat lady! Why hide it?

I think I do have a solution for humans though when it comes to preserving their precious modesty. Since true modesty is a shame, every human could appoint someone else to promote themselves. I’ve made a graphic to help explain my idea to your ape brains.

Preserving modesty using the Human Triangle Cheerleading System

Bob would be Sally’s cheerleader, Sally would be Fred’s cheerleader and Fred would be Bob’s cheerleader. That way it all balances out. It’s like having your own agent, but you don’t need to pay anyone because the labor game is all equal.

Anyway, when it comes to privacy concerns, most importantly, DO NOT PANIC. This is not Orwell’s 1984. Firstly, because most privacy “violations” are voluntary. And secondly, if there is a camera in the corner, it probably doesn’t care about you. Most humans, especially the online ones, are far more concerned about bringing attention to themselves than giving attention to others.

The only valid privacy concern I’ve heard yet concerns identity theft. I’m opposed to someone stealing my financials, but if they’d like to steal bits of my personality, well then, I would be flattered.

That’s all I have for today. Sorry if my brain is a little scattered with all my new fame and glory. I mentioned that I’m famous now, right?

Advertisements

4 Comments »

  1. Erin Said:

    Dear Jeeves,
    You are so witty and insightful!
    Please make the humans submit a photo of you to the contest currently being featured on the Lifetime website. Think about it – all they do is submit your photo and you could win a one-year supply of cat food! Or a flat-screen TV! Or cash! Every cat loves to win, right?
    Here the website, where you can check out more details:
    http://www.mylifetime.com/sweepstakes/companions-and-co-stars-photo-contest
    Best of luck from one of your biggest fans!

  2. meowmeowmans Said:

    Hello, Jeeves.

    You are a wise and truthful cat! Your human triangle cheerleading system is brilliant.


{ RSS feed for comments on this post} · { TrackBack URI }

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: