Archive for January, 2012

On Barfing

The female rises from bed with the beep of her alarm, still groggy from last night’s bender no doubt. She scratches the scruff of her neck and gives a good apelike yawn and stretch before stumbling down the stairs to the kitchen where she blindly hits for the light switch and BAM! CAT BARF!

She silently congratulates herself for not completing the next step directly into the brownish goo, while not-so-silently, she lets a few verbal assaults fly in my direction after spotting me relaxing from my viewing platform on top the of fridge.

The female then walks confidently around the offending mixture on the floor and heads to the cupboard for cleaning supplies when BAM! MORE CAT BARF! As the cold chunky wetness creeps into her toes, she spots a third floor spot covered in YET MORE CAT BARF! This leads us to the CAT BARF RULE OF 3. It’s been thought to increase satisfaction and humor in writing and performing.

I thought it was time to shed some light into the CAT BARF RULE OF 3. Many humans living with cats wonder why “their” cat is vomiting “all over the place.” Really, it’s when your cat is barfing in only ONE place that you want to be concerned.

I like to spread out the second and third barf spots when I’m feeling unwell, otherwise I’d be vomiting on top of vomit. That would just be disgusting.

Another popular question among humans: “Why is my cat barfing in the first place?”

Usually it’s to express dissatisfaction or disgust with something. We have very delicate tastes. Perhaps the food we are barfing is not up to par or maybe it’s time maid service cleaned out the toilet box. Maybe those flower print shoes you are putting together with your “summer look” just isn’t cutting it. Have you noticed a correlation between cat barf and your clog usage?

This is like ipecac for cats.

Note: If your cat is vomiting everyday or what seems like an excessive amount, this could be a serious health concern that may require a trip to the doctor. “Food issues” and “the constant bombardment of skinny photoshop cats in the media” can seriously affect the mental well-being of a cat. I’m sure there is a therapist in the area that would be happy to meet with your cat to discuss these concerns.