Archive for Dieting

Fat Summer

First of all, let me just state the obvious: newlyweds = yeck.

Now, onward to summer! Open-window weather has begun which means the much anticipated, great bug-hunting season

of 2011 is here! Bring on the bugs!

This weekend marks the gorgeous pinnacle for all-windows-open season. I woke up this morning, and right after my morning breakfast and nap was over, I rushed about to see what kind of bug garnish I could expect on my plate today. Judging from the buzz in the air, I set my goal at 2 wormy things, 3 spiders, and 1 fly!

I could have aimed higher on my spider quotas, as spiders are plentiful in human dwellings, but I do like to give the female a chance to find a few herself. I know how she loves them. Why, just the other day, I was taking my afternoon rest on the back of the sofa as she was sprawled out on the lower cushions calmly reading her book (back on the Proust I see).

She was deeply absorbed in her little story book, when the real world delivered her a little surprise. Her expression changed to that classic I-have-an-itch monkey face, and just before her arm could reach the offending area, her eyes caught sight of a Class 2 spider tickling it’s way up her leg. These events are always highly entertaining for the both of us. What kind of roommate would I be were I to deprive her of an entire spider-finding season?

Now, back to today’s hunt. Things started out splendidly! By the time I reached my mid-morning nap, I’d already caught my wormy things (which I threw up on the rug, in following with the traditions of the great feline bug-hunters) and was making good progress on my fly capture. A fly is a tricky prey which draws heavily on a cat’s training in the art of flying object capture. The zen of processual fly hunting has been passed down through the generations of online cats. In order to catch a fly, you must study it’s patterns and learn, not just where it is, but where it is going.

By the time afternoon had come around, I was ready to make my move. I positioned myself on the edge of the couch, prepared to intersect my prey’s flight plan. As I heard the buzzing near, I leapt into the air in what was intended to be a triple salchow mid-air pounce. The maneuver did not go well. I could hear the female laughing from the other side of the room. Of course, I played it cool, acting like that was exactly what I intended to do. I gave my fur a quick cleaning and wondered over to the sofa to reflect on my mistakes and regain my calm.

I realize now that I’ve grown rather out of shape these past few years. It hasn’t made a difference to my lifestyle until now. Various humans have pointed out my weight issues, but I had just seen myself as slightly big-boned.

Portrait of an artist as a young cat. Oh, how things have changed.

Me, today, reflecting on the bug hunt.

This is the breaking point, my friends. I have decided that the time has come for me to lose this extra weight. This may not be easy, living the stressful surroundings I do (newlyweds, yeck!), but I am determined, by next bug hunting season, to lose 4 pounds!

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The Weight Issue

So I’ve put on a few pounds, people! There is no need to be constantly pointing this out. Every visitor who enters the loft is full of the obvious observations. Yes, Yes, I’m fat. What can I say, I’m a stress-eater.

The female’s family stopped by on the weekend. They took notice of my wide girth, which is just ridiculous. All of them weigh more than me. Sure I’m just a cat, but nobody likes to be reminded of their weight issues.

Even without this recent reminder, I have been thinking lately that losing a few pounds might help boost my diminished energy levels.

So I’ve decided I’ll give yoga a try. I’ve been checking out some books on yoga positions that the female brought back for me from the library. I’m pretty good at the “corpse pose” but have physical, as well as moral qualms, when it comes to the “downward dog pose.”

Tunaholics Anonymous

For 3 days I got tuna every afternoon. On the first day, it was a pleasant surprise. On the second day, I prepared myself for disappointment, but there it came again. By day three the tuna craving had officially rewired the circuits in my brain and I was back in the old habit. Tuna is not merely wistfully expected now but has become indispensable in keeping away life’s dreary spots. I need tuna. Now on day 4, nothing. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing!

Healthful Life Cat Chow Purina Balance

After writing my novel its difficult to return to this sporadic posting-style. As it is for most bloggers, I find my most stimulating topics when I have something to complain about. Things have been rather uneventful lately, but I knew my roommates wouldn’t let me down for long. 

The female with her wholly misguided human American consumer brain has just brought home a new type of dry food for my serving platter. Instead of the usual brown grain chunks, I am now being treated to brightly-colored grain chunks. This feast boasts of scientific blend of chicken, salmon, whole grains, cranberries, carrots, garden greens, and cheeses all in one. I don’t think any food product should boast of such a list of ingredients and unfortunately I’m only a fan of 3 of these foods.

In the words of the male. “I love me some cheese” (they use very awkward grammar sometimes) and I am not opposed to variety in my diet, but I’d prefer this variety wasn’t all blended together and dried up with added food coloring. I don’t see the humans collecting all the elements of a fine dinner and then throwing them in the blender.

At first I wondered why she had brought me this bizarre food but now I can picture the female checking out all the food in the feline grocery section and picking out the item with packaging that reinforced her faux-zen, green, hippie, healthy attitude at the time. When she is in a scientific mood, I get food in blue packaging and when in a playful mood she brings me back yellow-packaged food. Before this brand, the only difference in the food was in the coloring and shapes (I like the scientific shapes the best). But this health food is harsh on the olfactory system. At least, it’s a small bag that will be gone soon. I’ve been making a show of how disgusting it is so she’ll understand that I never want to smell, taste, or see this food again. I think she’s starting to get it.

Yummy Cat Grass

I was doing a little research online in want of cat grass information when I stumbled across blogs about cats. It turns out that some cats have their own human papparrazi that follows them around. Obsessive cat people have always frightened me. I did come across an engaging website that others might find equally exciting.

Parfait

I snuck a bite of the female’s parfait today while she wasn’t looking. Yogurt, fruit, and granola. What a brilliant combination! She didn’t seem to mind when she found some fur in it. It’s really her own fault for leaving a parfait unattended.

Things have settled down this weekend. The bed is back in its proper place, however the living room arrangements don’t quite align with my feng shui. I suppose I can tolerate it for now.
I spent the afternoon resting on the couch. The female sat at her desk listening to the male explain an idea. I could tell he had an exciting idea by his pacing about and making apelike arm motions for illustration. I hope it deals with procuring more tuna. There has been a major shortage in the tuna supply as of late.

First day of internet in new place

My roommates and I have just moved into a swanky new downtown loft with concrete floors and one giant room. Of course, my preferences were not considered when picking out this place. I know concrete and wooden floors are all the rage these days but there was I reason they went out of style. They aren’t comfortable! My paws, my poor poor little paws have never felt so sore. Of course my roommates just throw on some flip flops or some soft fuzzy slippers. Where are my bloody slippers, eh?!

Complaint #2 this place has 13 foot high ceilings. Unlike our previous places, I have no way of reaching the top of the apartment. To make things worse, the female human placed a tray of cat grass on a ledge about 9 human feet high. As frustrating as this is, I am determined to keep investigating. Perhaps some sort of catapult….

But my biggest complaint with the new place is this: They are forgetting to feed me. I’m not even sure if “forgetting” is the right word. Whether it is due to negligence, stupidity or harsh cruelty, I don’t know. Tonight, when the female was sitting on the couch, I sat down on the coffee table in front of her. I had been out of food for nearly three hours now! She sat there stupidly enthralled with whatever internet trash she could find. I pawed at a piece of paper the male had printed off earlier and then, just to gage her reaction, I started to eat it! Oh, dear reader, if you could have seen her shock. I haven’t eaten paper since I was a kitten. Her response was favorable. After yelling out “jeeves!” she pondered the possible motives for my paper-eating scheme and her apelike features soon settled into an illuminating expression. Yes, I could see the light bulb had gone off. She walked over to my bowl and pored in some food. A paltry amount, but still, it should get me through the night.

Despite these downfalls, the place does have some perks. I find that i can keep a better eye on everyone now that they are stuck in the same room together. This will be good for my studies on human relationships. How will this couple react in an enclosed space together?