Archive for December, 2009

Piracy

I spent all my mental energy today in reading and commenting on the male’s blog about Piracy. No, not that kind of piracy.

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A Response to the Responses of My Response

Although, for the most part, those that comment on my blog show a soupçon of intelligence when choosing their wording, my last entry attracted some highly uncouth remarks from those lurking in the nether regions of the web. I never would have guessed that humans would be so offended by a cat being offended. To further my dismay, some of the anthrocommentary clearly came from those who didn’t even read my whole entry.

I am fascinated that people can display such extreme anger over a brief article they didn’t bother to read, but this is not the first time I’ve seen the intellectual process skipped over when a person takes sides on an issue. Maybe this quick response is a sort of evolutionary trait of humans. Had my article been a bear, a quick response would have saved lives.

But seeing as the likeliness of a bear attack is nigh impossible while online, a don’t think this intellectual indolence is doing society any favors.

I’ve discovered an invaluable tool in deciphering my exciting increase of spam and trolls and furthering my anthropological studies. The Urban Dictionary appears to have been created by humans, for humans, because they too, are in desperate need of understanding their bizarre deviations from the language. The female tends to be more old-school in her language usage, but the male uses several words a day that I had previously thought to be gibberish.

A Defense Against 6 Adorable Cat Behaviors

It would appear that some egregious accusations have been laid at my twittering paws and I feel I must defend myself and all my feline kin against these dubious human fabrications.

The article, 6 Adorable Cat Behaviors with Shockingly Evil Explanations, was tweet-linked to me by an epic pan-galactic trollop who wanted to know the truth of the matter. I will address each “explanation” separately.

#6. Meowing to Imitate a Baby Human

The first offense I find to be the most outrageous. It’s MANipulation, not CATipulation, for a reason. I won’t try to hide the fact that our meows are nothing like the meaningless, one-size-fits-all bark of a dog! Oh, I’m so sorry if our meows are actually communicating something! Should I meow only to be cute? How selfish and unforgiving of me! I’d hate to interrupt the humans precious time to remind them that I need food to survive, and that I too, am a sentient being with feelings and an appetite!

The corrupted little “baby” humans are the real fur-pulling menace of society! Obviously this is understood, or the article wouldn’t fault us for communicating in a way that resembles evil “baby” tactics.

#5. Leaving Their Poop Uncovered As An Insult

I’m not even going to dignify this with a response. What kind of cats did they survey for this article anyway?

#4. Rubbing Against You to Declare Ownership

What’s wrong with that? Humans like to feel protected. How often do I see the humans do the same thing to each other? I never hear any complaints about that.

#3. Imitating Snakes to Intimidate You

They have this one all wrong. Yes, we look very frightening when we “hiss” at someone, but its backwards. Snakes copied that move from us.

#2. Obsessively Getting Rid of the Stench of Humans

Yeah, that’s right. You stink! This makes me think of a common human behavior – DENIAL!

#1. Bringing Home Dead Animals to Show You Suck at Hunting

Another ridiculous qualm. Why would I care if a human is a poor hunter? Such a disparagingly remark they use: “Cats love murder.” They are trying to paint as cruel and heartless creatures. Yes, like to hunt “just for kicks.” At least Fluffy won’t stuff the carcass when he’s done and hang it on the wall for all posterity to see, like Fleshy over there.

So the next time the photoshoping storytellers of cracked.com want to fault cats for our cruel behaviors, maybe they should take a look in the mirror. It is there that the real newsworthy behaviors of deceitful malice, greed, and vanity can be found.