Archive for Technology

The Feline Perspective on the iPad

Sometimes I must turn away for a moment. It's just so beautiful.

Well, I finally did it. The inevitable event has a occurred. Today I purchased my first iPad.

I’d like to present you with a completely fair and unbiased review of my new purchase, but I can’t. I’m happy to admit my limitations in this matter. Unlike most humans, I’d hate to delude myself into thinking I can be clear-minded when I am simply moonstruck my the sweet glow of my new Apple product.

It’s imbued with a fulgent technological beauty. When you touch it, it’s like being pulled into a great masterpiece of art, fully emersed within the depth of the frame, being swept away by the brushstrokes. The display is simplicity at it’s finest, perfectly in tune to the flowing feng shui underbelly of the universe.

A photoshop depiction of the iPad experience.

I am an Apple addict, or applee, as we cats call them. Apple can do no wrong and I do believe that if Apple openly stated their plans to take over the world, I would offer the full and unconditional support of my army of ninja cats without hesitation.

PROS:

  • cat friendly operating system, simple & convenient
  • an easy to use keyboard with no fur-sticking troubles
  • a screen that appears to be impervious to scratches
  • research apps to appease my random curiosities (googling curiosities is far safer than learning on the streets)
  • a plethora of great apps from nutrition to music (cat piano!)

Ninja cat army in training.

I’m not the first cat fan and I certainly won’t be the last. With over 3 million iPads sold and approximately 1 billion cats in the world, that means more feline applees wanting than having an iPad of their own. I’m thinking of starting up a One iPad per Every Thousand Cats charity group. (I’d do 1 ipad per cat, but let’s be realistic.)

In conclusion, the iPad is perfect for cats of all ages, and I think the humans will like it too.

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Piracy

I spent all my mental energy today in reading and commenting on the male’s blog about Piracy. No, not that kind of piracy.

It is a truth universally acknowledged…

Humans appear to have a very inefficient memory system. The female has just completed yet another reading of “Pride and Prejudice” only to start it over once more. Is the plot altogether forgotten in her primate skull? Or perhaps she is trying to memorize the contents for some sort of performance. The male also tends to do this. His “Pride and Prejudice” is entitled “Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.”

For a long time I wondered where he kept his motorcycle, but it suddenly strikes me that this book is more of an owner’s manual for himself than for any bike he may or may not own. The female glimpses at this Zen book too from mealtime to naptime, probably trying to pinpoint a male-malfunction that needs tweaking.

It is possible some neurons have been misfiring in the female’s brain and she is trying to reinstall the basics of her system, like when my iPod crashes and I must restore to factory settings. How bizarre! Are humans programmed to regress into “safe mode” when overwhelmed with their surroundings? Its hard to judge if a human’s functionality has been reduced, as this often seems like their default position. Has the female hit her BSOD?

Perhaps a perusal of their owner’s manuals will aid me in my understanding of the human mindset.

One person’s “tweet” is this cat’s “meow”

While after strenuous mental oscillating, I have finally done it. I have started my own twitter account (under username JeevesCat (as TheCatsMeow was already taken(probably by some human moron who doesn’t deserve it))).

My decision to tweet came shortly after the arrival of my new iPhone. I don’t think I ever let myself fully admit it before, but I’ve been jealous of the male’s iPhone for some time now. Knowing I didn’t have the funding, I told myself that the smug iPhone was superfluous to my simple feline lifestyle, but now that my benefactor (the female) has bestowed this futuristic gift upon me, I intend to take full advantage. The touch-screen keyboard, which has previously intimidated me, is now a cause for celebration. What a relief it is to no longer clean the fur out between keys.

Many of the human-oriented “apps” have been amusing, but the idea of a cat-oriented application has filled me with the ol’ innovator’s excitement.  Perhaps I could create an app that shows the hottest tuna spots, or the most reliable catnip suppliers, or where in the area are the best cat doctors. Or maybe I should just come up with a product that the humans would go bonkers over and throw their money at. Obviously, this will take some more consideration.

To twitter or not to twitter

I have recently been asked if I will be starting my own twitter account. Before giving my answer I would like to fully explain the situation. Whenever I’m faced with a technological “advancement” for social networking, I go through 7 Stages. This was true with pagers, cell phones, email, facebook, online dating (which did not work out as I’d hoped), and finally blogging.

7 STAGES OF ACCEPTING TECHNOLOGY:

Stage 1: SHOCK & DENIAL: “YOU MANIACS!” Of course a cat is morally against creating “tweets” The very name is repulsive.

Stage 2: PAIN and GRIEF: This step is usually filled with a haunting nostalgia for a less tech-enhanced day when things seemed simple and pure.

Stage 2: ANGER & BARGAINING & GUILT: Paired together because I cycle between them.

  • ANGER: “YOU MANIACS!” Reflective of Step 1, but with greater realization. “Don’t you humans have  a soupçon of decency?! Is it no longer the fashion to fake humility?! Now you need to send out a series of overly self-indulgent and mundane status updates and overwrought nonsense in hopes someone will find you interesting!”
  • BARGAINING: “I’d give all the tuna in the world to be able to go back to those good ol’ days.”  This is usually the most pathetic of steps where I try to live inside wishful thinking.

Stage 4: DEPRESSION: On these days I spend an even higher percentage of the day sleeping.

Stage 5: THE GLIMMER OF HOPE: I begin to dip my paws into the patch of sunshine to gauge the temperature.

Stage 6: RECONSTRUCTION: This is mostly a learning process, a forming of new habits, a rewiring of my brain.

Stage 7: ACCEPTANCE: “What did I ever do without this wonderful new technology?”

So it is likely, based on my past experience, I will be starting my own twitter account. However I am currently in Stage 4, so to HELL with your TWITTER and don’t ask me AGAIN!

(You can probably expect some regression as well. It is a slow process.)

Wheels

The female appears to have procured a new toy. She came in today and glided across the floor like a mouse thrown across a pool of ice. I thought it odd and noted the wheels stuck to the bottoms of her clunky, plastic shoes. What odd contraptions the humans have come up with to amuse themselves. She circled the apartment a few times before I abruptly cut her off. It was a daring move on my part, but I assumed she would know how to stop. However, my assumption was proven wrong. The wheeled device was either lacking a braking mechanism or the female was lacking the knowledge to control the braking mechanism. Either way, it was an event I would like to repeat in the future.

Loss of power

I must make this brief. Things have grown rather tense in the loft. Earlier this afternoon I had lost track of myself as I nibbled through a tasty cord. Much to my chagrin, I noticed after a slight shock that I had just nibbled my way through the power cord connecting to the female’s laptop. I have been avoiding chewing on power cords recently but I suppose old habits die hard or whatever it is they say about old habits. The female has been giving me hostile looks, but has done nothing more to show disapproval. She seems to underestimate my intelligence. If a dog or human makes a mistake, its best to rub their noses in it right away so they associate the mistake with the punishment. My agile brain does not need such instant reprimand for me to understand what should and shouldn’t be done. I do wish I had chosen a different cord to satisfy my munchies. Hopefully a new cord will appear soon. I’m sure the female will understand that I had to lose her computer’s last vestiges of power to update my blog.