Archive for Mini-Humans

Battle

My apologies, I forgot to post this from last weekend’s lofty excursions…

above the cold food storage and beyondIt’s been strange the past few days. The male has been away, presumably vacationing in some exotic location. Even without him around to harass me, I’m still a bit tense from not knowing when he will return. I think the female could sense this uneasiness and provided me with a splattering of catnip in my afternoon sunbath to take off the edge. My nerves calmed, I am finally up to writing another entry.

I now think the male’s presence has a direct correlation with the female’s grasp on reality. Before I had drawn the conclusion that the two humans together encouraged each other’s crazy and erratic behaviors (especially in reference to furniture arrangement), but now I see that when left alone, the female has a tendency to withdraw completely from society. Is this insanity drawn to the surface when no other humans are around to condemn crazy behaviors, or is it the direct cause of loneliness?

She spent most of the time “drumming” and singing in her “band” to the applause of her fans (imaginary). I felt no desire to point out to her that these fans were nothing more than figments. As long as she feeds me and cleans the toilet box, her degree of human sanity makes little difference to me.

Late in the afternoon, however, there was some cause for alarm. She had cleaned the apartment, which means visitors. She was taking out random foods and pans to cook with, which foretold the arrival of a couple. Couples have a tendency to tote around mini humans.  Good grief! I upped my guard to a more alarming shade.

Within minutes, in strolled the mini human of a previous encounter. I had studied her moves well at our last faceoff. I was ready to deploy a throng of evasive tactics, but was at once rendered motionless with hair numbing freight as she nearly leapt out of her carriage and started running at high speeds towards me, her arms waving with destructive glee.

I could tell at once that she had been practicing her moves, perhaps she had studied with some fur pulling masters to prepare for this encounter. The female accompanying her might be a trainer of sorts. I unsheathed my weapons with a hiss. The mini human looked undaunted while the full size humans came to her side.

“Is this to be a fair fight?” I declared. They all gathered round with a vested interest. Had they been taking bets?

“I do not enterain!” I bellowed. My female swooped in to airlift me out of the arena.

I have no doubt now that if given a FAIR fight, I would have stood a chance against this bellicose little person. But obviously, this whole thing had been rigged. My female saw this and made a special place for me on top of the cat-proof cold food storage, enabling me to reach a safe height above the mini-human for recovery of my senses.

Advertisements

What’s she hiding in there?

Well, well, well. Look who’s finally decided to show up after 5 days. The female hobbled in last night with her luggage and freshly freckled face. I tried to ask where she was, but I couldn’t get a coherent response from her. Only garbled-up lyrics of random Johnny Cash songs poured out of her mouth.

While she was greeting the male, I advanced upon her suitcase to find some answers. I was struck with a strange juxtaposition of smells. The enticing aroma of southern fudge mingling with the alarming odor of freshly-washed mini-human caused me to pause for fear of a fudge-covered mini-human leaping out in attack position.

The female went to work today, although I didn’t think she would make it when she first awoke. It seemed to me as though she might be calling in with a bad case of nihilism. However, a fresh brew of the ol’ liquid motivation seemed to boost her spirits and out the door she went. I indulged in a saucerful myself and then set to work sitting guard on top of the suitcase. As of yet, no movement from within has been detected.

Uprising of the Mini-humans

I had aPicture 3nother encounter with a tenacious mini-human last night. This time I was undaunted by her quadrupedal style of functioning. This must be the preferred choice of mobility among the mini-humans. I was slightly spooked when she stood in the middle of the room on only 2 legs. This appears to be a look-out function only, as she did not approach me in this position. Luckily I was able to keep my distance except for a moment where one of the human visitors (non-mini variety) used her as some sort of weapon. I was able to defend myself and no fur was pulled. She also left me offerings of old Italian-style cheetos and an odd concoction of dried yogurt  bites, which I rather enjoyed.

Brush with the mini-human

A most alarming visitor came by yesterday as I was bathing in a luxurious stripe of sunlight on the female’s desk. The female brought in four visitors. I recognized and welcomed the first two, an older lady and gentleman, as they had previously bestowed upon me my soft rug and patch of cat grass. Another female appeared and I thought that was the last of them. I prefer one visitor at a time but if they are the type who brings gifts in my honor, I could graciously accept their arrival. I looked to see what gifts they had brought with them this time, perhaps some boots for my sore paws or a tasty fish to nibble on. Imagine my bemusement when I took notice of a tiny-sized human being held in the lady’s arms. What kind of gift is this?! Was this miniature human some sort of housemaid or personal attendant they were bringing to me? But no, I decided to keep my distance and stay in the safe light above until I could get a clear read on the situation. I heard a bag open and the smell of treats wafted across the loft. This was enough to bring me forward with curiosity (a downfall of mine). The small, oddly proportioned human didn’t seem to do much at first. Then she made her move. I quickly realized this must have been some sort of trap. I could see the madcap look in her eyes. This was not a human who had come to brush my posh coat of black and white. This was a fur-puller.

I stepped back and gave a warning hiss, to which I heard laughter in reply. She made a startling movement towards me. Much to my amazement, the tiny human was a quadruped! She came forward at a rapid speed. I took off unsure of whether she could jump or not. What variation of human is this? I’m happy to say my fur was not mussed about by this tiny human and after studying her movements, I should be more prepared if we meet again. A cat cannot relax in this mad, mad world.